Feeling Left Behind

This is a topic not often discussed. Sometimes valued members get better, move on in life, and leave the group.

When someone moves on, she might not want reminders of the old times, or she is busy with new activities. Those left behind can feel abandoned. Feelings can be hurt. Promises made to keep in touch are often not kept, so insult is added to the injury of still being ill.

If you are left behind, try to realize that the friendship was rooted in a shared illness, and must end when that is no longer held in common. Don't pine away. Reach out and try to give to the new people in the group.

If one of the group members is expressing excessive feelings of sadness and isolation, that member may be clinically depressed in addition to having ME/CFS or FM. Given the stigma of depression, many patients won't even consider this as a secondary problem.

A person who has lost quality of life due to this illness has cause to be depressed. It is how the reaction is handled that makes a difference. There may be a biologi­cal imbalance beyond the control of the patient that can be easily treated.

Leaders need to be alert to this situation because a serious depres­sion of one member has the potential to pull the entire group down.

Support groups are the roots that nourish us. Initially many people were afraid to go to a meeting. When asked why, they usually said something like, "I don't know what I was afraid of." The unknown can be very scary, and the ME/CFS or FM patient is already handling a mysterious illness. Our hats are off to those leaders who persevere, trying to help, and to those group members who do whatever they can.

Try to do whatever you can and the rewards will follow.